I'm really falling for you, I hate what you're putting me through

[ichigou]

A collection of Kidou/Sakuma threads because I am shipper trash.

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[tacticianing]

[Surprise twines around fear, wrenching his mind to a brief halt. What? He's never had to explain the house to anyone else before. This is uncharted territory that he'd never expected anyone could challenge him on.

Least of all Sakuma! Sakuma sometimes questioned him, but he didn't outright challenge him like that. In a way, it's the best possible move Sakuma could make, wiping away Kidou's protest before he can voice it with the power of pure shock value.

The urge to look away almost overwhelms him, but Kidou can't back down. He can't! His hands twitch, fists subconsciously clenching with the excess emotion that he knows he can't afford to show. It's difficult, forcing himself to relax again, but through sheer effort of willpower alone he manages it. How can he make Sakuma understand? This is important!

He doesn't really know. This was a bad idea. He should have known better than to-

But Sakuma doesn't give him further opening to speak up or continue his internal debate. Kidou stays rooted to the spot as Sakuma moves around him, and doesn't - can't - interrupt when Sakuma speaks up again. He has no idea what to expect.

When Kidou's off-guard is when he listens the hardest, well-honed instincts kicking in to make him pay attention to everything he can see. Safely behind his goggles, his eyes flick across the narrow field of vision afforded him, taking in Sakuma's gentle expression, the angle of his shoulders. The boy looks just as sincere as he sounds.

Maybe that's why that last sentence hits him harder than it should have. He was used to being alone. There was a darker part of his mind that quietly insisted that he deserved the isolation.]

Sakuma-

[But nothing follows that. Any attempt to assure Sakuma that he's fine being alone dies away, unsaid.

It's too big a lie.]

[ichigou]

[It was true. When it came to many things, Sakuma had never really challenged anything Kidou had deemed as 'law'. It was just the way they worked. Teikoku was a military school, and ranks seemed to form naturally within the students. It was easier when it was a soccer team--the Captain often led the team as a Captain should, and Sakuma had always dutifully served under him.

But that was in Teikoku.

And--he might add, a little saltily--Kidou had left Teikoku to join Raimon.


Sakuma had a feeling, though, that the moment he flipped on that switch he'd get some resistance. There were things he'd immediately learned about Kidou the moment he stepped into his house to spend the evening with him--that this wasn't in fact, his house. It was a house he resided in...naturally, but there was no indication that anything from the furniture to the carpet that this house was meant to be a home.

And that's why he's challenging.


A hand reaches out to Kidou's shoulder, finally warm from that long walk in the snow to get here, thumb pressing into the fabric on his shoulder. He knows this is hard. He's had to battle his own internal demons--ones that told him that Kidou had abandoned him, and that he and Genda had somehow deserved Kidou never speaking to them after.

Kidou had let them in.



And now Sakuma was going to shed some light for him, for once.]

Just until we're back into your room, yeah?


Is that acceptable?

[tacticianing]

[ Sakuma didn't know. He couldn't. He wasn't ever here.

But the longer he stares into that gentle face, Kidou can't keep convincing himself of that. Sakuma did know. He knew a lot of the same atmosphere Kidou had grown up with; wherever Kageyama was, the same oppressive feeling went. It's true that Sakuma didn't know Kidou's particular circumstances, but he knew enough of them that Kidou couldn't wave away his words.

That hand is steadying, an anchor against paralyzing uncertainty and worry.

Although the worry doesn't vanish, Kidou's expression shifts away from flat refusal to a concerned acceptance that this was going to happen, and the best move he could possibly make is to take ownership of the idea. The tension leaves his shoulders. The soft click of the flashlight being switched off is answer enough even before Kidou says anything.]

Until then.

[And to prove it, Kidou sidesteps around Sakuma and continues walking away from the lightswitch, leaving the hallway bright behind him.

They have a kitchen to get to, after all.]