(it's the last thing in the world that apollo wants, to be considered a burden in anyone's life. klavier's, above all else. it's irrational, but the part of him that was a child raised until nine then shoved off into a land he didn't know, that part is terrified it will happen again. that klavier will find apollo too much to deal with, then cut him out of his life with a false promise of returning someday.
klavier may be far gentler, more loving and willing to open his heart, but in the end, that would only make a possible cut off that much more painful. and it's not a kind apollo wishes to revisit. he's only known klavier as long as he's been a lawyer, not quite at a place where he can tell klavier will be a constant presence like clay, but one he wishes, more than anything, that klavier could be. that he could wake up to klavier's voice, decide to be too lazy on their days off and lounge together, debate on who does what shopping before ultimately choosing to go together. it sounds perfect.
but the fear of klavier growing tired of apollo after living together, that the spark of their relationship dies out and klavier no longer feels love for him, those ones are louder. even with how careful and kind klavier is, holding apollo's hand like he's something to be treasured, even then fear flashes in apollo's face that klavier won't want him forever.
and the longer things go on, the louder that annoying little voice gets.
the touch makes him blush, just a pinch more pink to his face as he tries to link their hands together, feel more of that calloused skin he's come to love far too quickly in the span of a few months.) I don't need to live rent free to be okay... wh-why are you pushing so hard for this, anyway?
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klavier may be far gentler, more loving and willing to open his heart, but in the end, that would only make a possible cut off that much more painful. and it's not a kind apollo wishes to revisit. he's only known klavier as long as he's been a lawyer, not quite at a place where he can tell klavier will be a constant presence like clay, but one he wishes, more than anything, that klavier could be. that he could wake up to klavier's voice, decide to be too lazy on their days off and lounge together, debate on who does what shopping before ultimately choosing to go together. it sounds perfect.
but the fear of klavier growing tired of apollo after living together, that the spark of their relationship dies out and klavier no longer feels love for him, those ones are louder. even with how careful and kind klavier is, holding apollo's hand like he's something to be treasured, even then fear flashes in apollo's face that klavier won't want him forever.
and the longer things go on, the louder that annoying little voice gets.
the touch makes him blush, just a pinch more pink to his face as he tries to link their hands together, feel more of that calloused skin he's come to love far too quickly in the span of a few months.) I don't need to live rent free to be okay... wh-why are you pushing so hard for this, anyway?