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One time shouldn't hurt, [he says as if to reassure him, pressing the hairtie into his palm and nodding over to the car.] I'll give security a call to make sure they know about it, too.
[Sakuma doesn't move just yet, eyes fixed on the car that waited for him, ready for the same old traffic and the same old radio stations. Same streets. Same red lights. The comfort of routine and the safety of stability.
And then there was that hairtie pressed into his palm.
He sits there in silence a moment, the only telltale sign of any brain activity at all being the characteristic bite of his lip. Seconds feel like minutes, and after Sakuma considers this after only a few, his hand whips up to gather silver strands of hair, bundling them up and securing them loosely in a ponytail. With that hand now free, he reaches for that helmet Fudou held out to him previously.]
I show up for work early, you know.
[Said with a smile.
He was beginning to hate being comfortable and stable, anyway.]
I'm usually up and about taking a jog before the sun comes up. I think you and I'll match up pretty well.
[Sakuma's answer is satisfactory. With a nod, Fudou hands over the helmet and slips his own over his head, fastening the strap and mounting the motorbike after carefully placing Sakuma's briefcase into the luggage compartment. There's enough space behind him for one more person.]
Waking up early and jogging. Where did Fudou Akio even -go-. You're the worst imposter I've seen.
[He laughs, snugly fitting that helmet over his head and awkwardly rocking back and forth on his heels as Fudou situates himself with that bike. Is it protocol to get on first? Or should he wait for Fudou? The second one seemed more likely...easier to get on one after the other than to fit inbetween himself and the handlebars.]
[That dragon child is one step away from going completely vegan and gluten free or whatever other health nut trend a teenager could get into. Not that he minded. He pats the space behind him on the bike to indicate to Sakuma his seat.]
[When Fudou pats that seat, he obediently slides into it, feeling his body press right up against Fudou's and its--
It's all too clear how unprepared for this he was. Because here they are, sitting on a motorcycle back to front and Sakuma's entire line of vision now occupied by one man's muscular, if still a bit lanky, body.
He can't even reply to the conversation now. Whatever he was going to say went out the window as soon as he realized he'd have to put his arms around Fudou's torso if he was going to say on. He'd have to huddle close to his body and feel it against his chest and goddess of victory please save him.]
...
Yes.
[That seemed like a safe answer.]
I-I mean, that's good. An athlete needs a balanced diet anyway.
[Of course Sakuma's realization would come belatedly. Fudou keeps that poker face on, hands loosely placed on his handlebars and body relaxed as the other man climbs on, and waits out the seconds it takes him to work through the knowledge of how close they were going to be this ride.
The truth is that he isn't unaffected by this, either, but he's more aware of his own feelings for Sakuma than Sakuma is of his own, most likely, and Fudou knows it likely won't come to anything. There's no point in getting greedy and hopeful when this friendship is more than he thought he could have already.
Holding back a sigh, he leans back just a little.]
[It's not like Sakuma was oblivious to what his own feelings were doing--he wasn't so naive that he didn't recognize attraction when he saw it. He'd wanted it for so long, hoping for a day that would never come, that the feeling became almost too familiar to him. For Kidou...who would never truly return his affections in a way that Sakuma wanted, needed.. and for Fudou, who he'd possibly felt the same for before he'd left Japan for unknown parts of the world with no contact and no goal in mind. He'd hardened himself, sheltered that soft heart of his.
So to feel this blossom again after he'd succumbed himself to winter...it's a lot to take in. The man was nothing like Kidou, after all. None of the etiquette, unruly hair, trackjackets and boots...If they were seen on the street together, people would assume they were never associated with each other, just in the same place at the same time.
But those blue eyes were so much calmer now, his entire body language like an old, tired cat instead of the feral one he'd known years before. His voice was just as calming, a light, relaxed tone compared to the teasingly aggressive one he'd remembered. Muscles were new, easily felt from the fabric as his arms wrapped securely around the man's back and around his torso.
He really wishes he weren't focusing on that one the most.]
Ready.
[Fudou just wanted to make up for years of a failed friendship. It'd be taking advantage of the situation if he wanted anything more. And heck...Fudou probably doesn't want that either.
You don't drop everything and leave the country if you actually felt like you left something important behind...right?]
[Fudou is quiet as he nods in response, turning the ignition key and starting up the motorcycle as soon as he has Sakuma's answer. He drives slowly, carefully -- he was never a reckless driver -- through the empty parking lot, only picking up speed when they turn onto the road. He already knew where Sakuma's apartment was, having been asked by Kidou to drop off a few things once or twice in the past. Once they're driving, with the sound of the wind whipping past them and the engine's rev, there's not much reason to raise his voice just to get a few words at him.
There is no way he'd be able to truly pay for what he did. The way he made Genda and Sakuma's injuries worse when they were still recovering from injuries against Zeus. The way he tore their broken heart to shreds, planting seeds of doubt that should never have taken root, damaging relationships that were precious to everyone involved. He never belonged there. Even when he got chosen for Inazuma Japan, he was sure he'd be no more than an outsider.
He got to enjoy a few weeks of being involved, but once they graduated Teikoku the year after...
It was unease, he knew. Unease, an unwarranted contact from his mother, and a surge of old memories he didn't quite know how to deal with. He was older, wise, and stronger now, but the damage had been done. He left Sakuma once again, and he didn't think another miracle was possible. He'll do what he can do now, he tells himself, thinking about that brief conversation with Fubuki and Kiyama about Sakuma's drinking habits, about Kazemaru actually voicing anything of meaning to him. Sakuma was hurting, and if he needed a buoy...
They reach a stoplight in the middle of their drive. Go forward, and they'd be on their way to Sakuma's apartment. Veer to the right, and there was a harbor with a view he knew of.
Without consulting Sakuma for his opinion, he tilts the bike to make that turn, taking them away from the same old route this man must take. Away from a boring route home so Sakuma could crawl into bed and repeat the same thing tomorrow. A change of pace. That can be good, right?]
[Despite the scar remaining on his heart, Shin Teikoku still felt so far away. He may have held resentment back in FFI, but even Sakuma had to admit that Fudou was nothing more than just another boy manipulated by Kageyama for his own ends. It hurt, and in the end Sakuma had probably suffered the most out of all of them--his desire to be noticed by Kidou the strongest of the two of them. The feeling of inadequacy hitting deepest in his heart. But he knew...he knew that Fudou wasn't inherently a bad person. Someone had to create him that way.
Just like he had.
That last year of Teikoku had been pretty fun, too. Repairing and rebuilding what could be a strong friendship...only for it to shatter when Fudou had taken off for Europe without so much as a word. He'd been left behind again in that moment, and no meteorite or penguins would give him the power to combat this one. He wouldn't have survived another episode like that, and instead turned his turmoil internally.
Drinking, Sleeping...Working. It just wasn't working.
Sakuma's lost in thought as Fudou pulls up to that intersection, but instinct knows that from here he'd go straight, and then make another turn at the next light and they'd be heading towards his home.
That is...if Fudou took that green light. The vehicle veers gently to the right, taking the turn too early in Sakuma's mind. You didn't have to read his face to understand his confusion, his head lifts immediately from Fudou's back (oh yeah, that's right, he was pressed right up against Fudou's suddenly muscular body don't remind him) and looking at the street that led to his house. Only turning it back to face Fudou again, silent curiosity slowly taking over.
He's not protesting, at least. But the confusion is there.
Sakuma, [he says, his voice in no way loud but still managing to carry over back to the man behind him. Like a voice speaking directly to his mind, as if the world around them had gone completely silent. Not even the wind can snatch away his voice.
He can't dedicate himself completely to this. He told his team in Europe -- the team that helped him heal, more than anything in his life had up to this point, that he would go back. He told Kiyama and Endou that he'd take care of Hakuryuu, and he promised to himself that if there was anybody in this world who would never know abandonment at his hands, it'll be that child. But what he could do... he wanted to do it.]
[It was as if the motor itself had silenced in order to make way for his voice. Because Sakuma had heard him loud and clear, even beneath that helmet. A single gold eye widens as he sinks into Fudou's every word, attention fully grabbed as his fingers grip tighter to that jacket.
Somewhere deep down, he knew that his fantasies would never come to fruition. So many things had changed--Fudou and Sakuma themselves, their jobs, their goals, their responsibilities. And Sakuma's hope that somewhere deep down Fudou held something other than guilt for him wavered like a flickering candle. He's not sure why he held out this long. Maybe it's the small shreds of kindness Fudou's shone since he came back with that child in his care. Maybe he really was as delusional as people had made him sound.
It was fine. He'd already taken the steps to build himself up to this.
...So why did something like this send his stomach tumbling again? Was he really that desperate for some form of affection? Pathetic, Sakuma.
A silent response is the best he can manage, a slow nod of affirmation before pressing his head to his back again, hoping that maybe his thoughts would drift elsewhere.]
Just for one moment, very briefly, Fudou's hand leaves the handle of the motorcycle to rest over Sakuma's, warm hand covering his smaller one, shielding it from the sharp wind. It's gone as soon as it came, the roar of the wind coming back as soon as their exchange is over, drowning out any other sounds for the rest of the drive.
When Fudou stops, they're at a place where that wind smells of the sea, the sound of waves lapping at the harbor reaching their ears as the reverberation of the engine fades away. Fudou stays on the motorcycle even once it's stopped, waiting for Sakuma to get to his feet, but he says, very softly,]
[The touch was brief, but the feeling shot through his body like electricity, feeling the rough, worn fingers gloss over his smoother, smaller ones. He remembers when he was actually just a fraction taller than Fudou back in Middle School, how that boy quickly sprung up over the course of a year, while Sakuma himself had grown more steadily. Now he can't help but laugh at how Fudou's hand could now take hold of his pretty easily, strong and rough on the outside just like Fudou himself...
No, this was NOT the thought he wanted to change to! Fingers grip into that cloth more as he curses to himself, waiting for whatever it was that Fudou wanted to show him. There's no more conversation, nothing else heard aside from the wind whipping past them. And...maybe that was a good thing.
It's not until Fudou pulls up to their destination that Sakuma even gets a hint of where they're at. The smell of salt, sea, and sand was familiar--a scent he always truly loved as he raises his head, peeking over Fudou's shoulder.
And before he can be stopped, Sakuma gets off the motorcycle, walking forward to see the coastline, its waves lapping up against the shore, the briny smell of sea infiltrating that helmet until he pulls it off, feeling the salt cling to his nostrils and the wind whipping his ponytail over his shoulder.]
This place...
[He smiles, golden eye softening as it follows the tide in and out. To be honest...he's not sure what about the sea makes it so alluring. Maybe it's because across it lie where his dreams were. Maybe because it's where so many of his friends went, and he wanted to join them. Maybe it was the tidepools, how with every crash of wave a new ecosystem was born. Another chance at life because of a simple pulling of the ocean.
Maybe it was the air--so fresh and invigorating unlike the stuffy walls of the school he worked in all day (and sometimes all night). Maybe he envied the water itself, who could go anywhere and everywhere it wanted. You couldn't chain the sea to any one specific thing.
No matter what it was...it was his favourite spot in the whole world.]
[Sakuma wanders away from the motorcycle and toward the water as if in a trance, and Fudou stays by the bike to give him some space for a few moments. He pulls the helmet off, feeling the wind tug at his own hair too, and watches the way he moves slowly, eyes on the dark sea stretching far beyond and the city lights reflecting on its surface.
Even amongst all the lights of the city that twinkled, the one that shone the brightest was--]
... I figured with how cooped up you always are, you haven't had time to come somewhere like this in a while.
[If Sakuma could name one thing he hated about Fudou, it was his ability to always be right about things. Maybe it pissed him off in high school, when the boy somehow got slightly higher marks than him when he'd barely (visibly) studied, but now, it was how he always seemed to know what Sakuma needed. A change of pace, the feel of a motorcycle ride, the idea that if he could just get away for a moment...he could stop wallowing in how lonely his life was.
Did he mention he really hated when Fudou was RIGHT?]
You're right.
It's so close, and yet I never find myself driving down this way. Guess I get too caught up in things.
[A humble admission, fingers tracing along the seams of that bike helmet as he paces the shoreline.]
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no subject
I'll even come pick you up in the morning?
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And then there was that hairtie pressed into his palm.
He sits there in silence a moment, the only telltale sign of any brain activity at all being the characteristic bite of his lip. Seconds feel like minutes, and after Sakuma considers this after only a few, his hand whips up to gather silver strands of hair, bundling them up and securing them loosely in a ponytail. With that hand now free, he reaches for that helmet Fudou held out to him previously.]
I show up for work early, you know.
[Said with a smile.
He was beginning to hate being comfortable and stable, anyway.]
no subject
[Sakuma's answer is satisfactory. With a nod, Fudou hands over the helmet and slips his own over his head, fastening the strap and mounting the motorbike after carefully placing Sakuma's briefcase into the luggage compartment. There's enough space behind him for one more person.]
Need to stop by anywhere before you go home?
no subject
[He laughs, snugly fitting that helmet over his head and awkwardly rocking back and forth on his heels as Fudou situates himself with that bike. Is it protocol to get on first? Or should he wait for Fudou? The second one seemed more likely...easier to get on one after the other than to fit inbetween himself and the handlebars.]
Next you'll be telling me you don't drink.
no subject
[That dragon child is one step away from going completely vegan and gluten free or whatever other health nut trend a teenager could get into. Not that he minded. He pats the space behind him on the bike to indicate to Sakuma his seat.]
He's pretty much taken over the kitchen.
no subject
It's all too clear how unprepared for this he was. Because here they are, sitting on a motorcycle back to front and Sakuma's entire line of vision now occupied by one man's muscular, if still a bit lanky, body.
He can't even reply to the conversation now. Whatever he was going to say went out the window as soon as he realized he'd have to put his arms around Fudou's torso if he was going to say on. He'd have to huddle close to his body and feel it against his chest and goddess of victory please save him.]
...
Yes.
[That seemed like a safe answer.]
I-I mean, that's good. An athlete needs a balanced diet anyway.
no subject
[Of course Sakuma's realization would come belatedly. Fudou keeps that poker face on, hands loosely placed on his handlebars and body relaxed as the other man climbs on, and waits out the seconds it takes him to work through the knowledge of how close they were going to be this ride.
The truth is that he isn't unaffected by this, either, but he's more aware of his own feelings for Sakuma than Sakuma is of his own, most likely, and Fudou knows it likely won't come to anything. There's no point in getting greedy and hopeful when this friendship is more than he thought he could have already.
Holding back a sigh, he leans back just a little.]
Ready?
no subject
So to feel this blossom again after he'd succumbed himself to winter...it's a lot to take in. The man was nothing like Kidou, after all. None of the etiquette, unruly hair, trackjackets and boots...If they were seen on the street together, people would assume they were never associated with each other, just in the same place at the same time.
But those blue eyes were so much calmer now, his entire body language like an old, tired cat instead of the feral one he'd known years before. His voice was just as calming, a light, relaxed tone compared to the teasingly aggressive one he'd remembered. Muscles were new, easily felt from the fabric as his arms wrapped securely around the man's back and around his torso.
He really wishes he weren't focusing on that one the most.]
Ready.
[Fudou just wanted to make up for years of a failed friendship. It'd be taking advantage of the situation if he wanted anything more. And heck...Fudou probably doesn't want that either.
You don't drop everything and leave the country if you actually felt like you left something important behind...right?]
no subject
There is no way he'd be able to truly pay for what he did. The way he made Genda and Sakuma's injuries worse when they were still recovering from injuries against Zeus. The way he tore their broken heart to shreds, planting seeds of doubt that should never have taken root, damaging relationships that were precious to everyone involved. He never belonged there. Even when he got chosen for Inazuma Japan, he was sure he'd be no more than an outsider.
He got to enjoy a few weeks of being involved, but once they graduated Teikoku the year after...
It was unease, he knew. Unease, an unwarranted contact from his mother, and a surge of old memories he didn't quite know how to deal with. He was older, wise, and stronger now, but the damage had been done. He left Sakuma once again, and he didn't think another miracle was possible. He'll do what he can do now, he tells himself, thinking about that brief conversation with Fubuki and Kiyama about Sakuma's drinking habits, about Kazemaru actually voicing anything of meaning to him. Sakuma was hurting, and if he needed a buoy...
They reach a stoplight in the middle of their drive. Go forward, and they'd be on their way to Sakuma's apartment. Veer to the right, and there was a harbor with a view he knew of.
Without consulting Sakuma for his opinion, he tilts the bike to make that turn, taking them away from the same old route this man must take. Away from a boring route home so Sakuma could crawl into bed and repeat the same thing tomorrow. A change of pace. That can be good, right?]
no subject
Just like he had.
That last year of Teikoku had been pretty fun, too. Repairing and rebuilding what could be a strong friendship...only for it to shatter when Fudou had taken off for Europe without so much as a word. He'd been left behind again in that moment, and no meteorite or penguins would give him the power to combat this one. He wouldn't have survived another episode like that, and instead turned his turmoil internally.
Drinking, Sleeping...Working. It just wasn't working.
Sakuma's lost in thought as Fudou pulls up to that intersection, but instinct knows that from here he'd go straight, and then make another turn at the next light and they'd be heading towards his home.
That is...if Fudou took that green light. The vehicle veers gently to the right, taking the turn too early in Sakuma's mind. You didn't have to read his face to understand his confusion, his head lifts immediately from Fudou's back (oh yeah, that's right, he was pressed right up against Fudou's suddenly muscular body don't remind him) and looking at the street that led to his house. Only turning it back to face Fudou again, silent curiosity slowly taking over.
He's not protesting, at least. But the confusion is there.
Did Fudou have somewhere he needed to stop?]
no subject
He can't dedicate himself completely to this. He told his team in Europe -- the team that helped him heal, more than anything in his life had up to this point, that he would go back. He told Kiyama and Endou that he'd take care of Hakuryuu, and he promised to himself that if there was anybody in this world who would never know abandonment at his hands, it'll be that child. But what he could do... he wanted to do it.]
I'm going to kidnap you for a little bit.
no subject
Somewhere deep down, he knew that his fantasies would never come to fruition. So many things had changed--Fudou and Sakuma themselves, their jobs, their goals, their responsibilities. And Sakuma's hope that somewhere deep down Fudou held something other than guilt for him wavered like a flickering candle. He's not sure why he held out this long. Maybe it's the small shreds of kindness Fudou's shone since he came back with that child in his care. Maybe he really was as delusional as people had made him sound.
It was fine. He'd already taken the steps to build himself up to this.
...So why did something like this send his stomach tumbling again? Was he really that desperate for some form of affection? Pathetic, Sakuma.
A silent response is the best he can manage, a slow nod of affirmation before pressing his head to his back again, hoping that maybe his thoughts would drift elsewhere.]
no subject
Just for one moment, very briefly, Fudou's hand leaves the handle of the motorcycle to rest over Sakuma's, warm hand covering his smaller one, shielding it from the sharp wind. It's gone as soon as it came, the roar of the wind coming back as soon as their exchange is over, drowning out any other sounds for the rest of the drive.
When Fudou stops, they're at a place where that wind smells of the sea, the sound of waves lapping at the harbor reaching their ears as the reverberation of the engine fades away. Fudou stays on the motorcycle even once it's stopped, waiting for Sakuma to get to his feet, but he says, very softly,]
We're here.
no subject
No, this was NOT the thought he wanted to change to! Fingers grip into that cloth more as he curses to himself, waiting for whatever it was that Fudou wanted to show him. There's no more conversation, nothing else heard aside from the wind whipping past them. And...maybe that was a good thing.
It's not until Fudou pulls up to their destination that Sakuma even gets a hint of where they're at. The smell of salt, sea, and sand was familiar--a scent he always truly loved as he raises his head, peeking over Fudou's shoulder.
And before he can be stopped, Sakuma gets off the motorcycle, walking forward to see the coastline, its waves lapping up against the shore, the briny smell of sea infiltrating that helmet until he pulls it off, feeling the salt cling to his nostrils and the wind whipping his ponytail over his shoulder.]
This place...
[He smiles, golden eye softening as it follows the tide in and out. To be honest...he's not sure what about the sea makes it so alluring. Maybe it's because across it lie where his dreams were. Maybe because it's where so many of his friends went, and he wanted to join them. Maybe it was the tidepools, how with every crash of wave a new ecosystem was born. Another chance at life because of a simple pulling of the ocean.
Maybe it was the air--so fresh and invigorating unlike the stuffy walls of the school he worked in all day (and sometimes all night). Maybe he envied the water itself, who could go anywhere and everywhere it wanted. You couldn't chain the sea to any one specific thing.
No matter what it was...it was his favourite spot in the whole world.]
no subject
Even amongst all the lights of the city that twinkled, the one that shone the brightest was--]
... I figured with how cooped up you always are, you haven't had time to come somewhere like this in a while.
no subject
Did he mention he really hated when Fudou was RIGHT?]
You're right.
It's so close, and yet I never find myself driving down this way. Guess I get too caught up in things.
[A humble admission, fingers tracing along the seams of that bike helmet as he paces the shoreline.]
There's never enough hours in a day.